Have you lost contact with you? Role playing who you think people will accept? Did you know that if you master what you think they will like, they will change their mind? And now you have to master a whole new role. The most tedious endeavour is attempting to impress others. You can jump heaven and earth but you will never please everyone. The biggest challenge you will ever have in this life is accepting ‘you’ as you are with your innate strengths and inherent weaknesses.
More people suffer from inferiority complex than they would care to admit. Infidelity, for instance, stems largely from low self esteem. In search for approval. Inferiority complex make people demand compliments. Attention seeking. Looking outside of ‘you’ rather than within ‘you’ for strength and confidence is an indication of low self confidence. If you are the type that must seek for approval before changing jobs, starting a venture, engaging in a relationship or investing somewhere, you fall in the category of the majority and this article is dedicated to you with lots of love.
If you can be comfortable with yourself, you can reveal the gift ‘you’ to the world. As Oscar Wilde says, ‘be yourself, everyone else is already taken.’ Live your life with no excuses or apologies. Don’t forfeit a venture on account of peoples’ opinions. Les Brown says, “Someone else’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” Don’t wait for anybody’s approval to take action. Live to learn from your mistakes. I learned long ago that when you respect and celebrate yourself, the world will too. Let people catch up with your vision. Don’t wait for their endorsement.
To fulfil your destiny, stay true to your heart. Some people will leave you as a result. When people walk away from you, let them go. In life, you never lose friends. On the contrary, you get to know who your true friends are especially when you get extraordinary success. Who will genuinely celebrate you? Did you know it’s easier for people to mourn with you than to celebrate your achievements?
Graduate with postgraduate qualifications, buy a brand new range rover from the show room and a 7-bed roomed house in up-market neighbourhood and have your bride chauffeured by a chopper in your magnanimous invite-only wedding occasion at a prestigious golf course resort as you fly the same evening for your honey moon to an exclusive island. Then count your friends a year or two later. I put it to you that your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. That doesn’t imply that they are bad people. It just means that their role in your story is over. You are now in a new season with new associations. Move on.
While you can choose not to have enemies, you cannot stop others from making you their enemy. If you have no enemies, probably you are not very gifted. If you are up-to something worth pursuing, you will have enemies. Many. Your assignment on earth will include your enemies. Don’t mess up your spirit trying to revenge against those conspiring to harm you. Don’t stoop that low to their level. Let them come up to your level.
God has created a NEED that needs your GIFT. If you don’t use it, it leaves a vacuum unattended and you will someday be judged for it. When you don’t master yourself, your life will be experimental, full of detours. Depression is not caused by what you eat but because of what is eating you. Self rejection. Could you be your worst enemy? Could it be that most of your shadows of this life are caused by you standing in the path of your own sunshine? Could it be that you are standing between you and your success. It’s high time you get out of your own way.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross once wrote, “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within”. Many people don’t recognize that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves. If you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can scarcely be comfortable with other people. People with difficulties accepting themselves struggle to appreciate others since they resent the time and energy they give another person that they aren’t giving to themselves.
Self rejection has the ability to destroy people around you. Pregnant mothers, did you know that your own self rejection has the potential to destroy the unborn? Self rejection sends ‘rejection’ vibrations that poison the foetus. Self rejection releases negative energy to everyone in your circles. When you find a perpetually quarrelsome individual who scarcely gets along with anyone in life, chances are that s/he suffers from inferiority complex, albeit unawares.
Have you been criticizing yourself for years? Are you your toughest critic? And it hasn’t worked. Maybe it’s time you now try a different route. Try approving yourself and see what happens. You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company. Why should you worry about what others think of you? Do you have more confidence in their opinions than you do your own? Malcolm S. Forbes observed, “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”
When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life. There is greatness on your inside. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. The gift, ‘me’.
Are you too busy holding onto your unworthiness rather than your uniqueness? You are as powerful as know you are. The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off. People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most. There is a Hindu Proverb I like, “There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.” In reality, it is never what they call you that count; it is how you respond to how others brand you? Are you wearing a foreign price tag?
Intentional living starts by recognizing everyone has custom flaws. What you regard as a flaw is beauty to someone else. Your own self rejection turns people away. Positive people are turned away by negative energy. Self rejection inhibits your career growth. Having a high regard about yourself is not egotism. Rather, a requisite for greatness. Having a low opinion about yourself is not humility. Rather, it is self destructive.
You will break inferiority complex the moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from the greatness within. There comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom. The time has come for you to stop judging yourself through someone else’s eyes. In any case, you have no idea about their own struggles in life. Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong. If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
When you start loving yourself as you ought, you will begin a journey of eliminating that which is destructive and unhealthy to you. You will have the courage to stand up to an abusive boss. You will have the courage to say ‘NO’ to an abusive relationship. Never empower anyone to abort your dream. You must never allow anyone to demean your person through insults simply because they are paying the bills or giving you a salary.
Accept no one’s definition of your life. Define yourself. It’s Eleanor Roosevelt who said, “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” Faced with endless media criticism about her physical looks, the confident wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, Eleanor added, “No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.”Have you empowered anyone to determine what you can or cannot do? Are you a slave of other peoples’ opinions? Maybe it’s time to break inferiority complex and you step out to all you were created to be. All you need is God’s approval.
To break inferiority complex, review your associations periodically. Associate purely with people who believe in you. Learn when you outgrow a certain relationship. Pack up and move on to your next level. Intermittently, change your focus from what you read, watch or joints you visit. Infiltrate your mind with the pure and the clean. Be deliberate about self improvement programs. Be intentional about success. Write down goals and stay the course till you break-through. Achieving goals boost self confidence. The bigger the achieved goal, the greater the self-confidence.
This article is an excerpt from my book, “You Don’t Need A Job”
I invite you for a life transforming forum on “Breaking Inferiority Complex” at KICC – Amphitheatre on Friday the 3rd June 2016 from 6pm to 8pm. Due to the high turn up for our monthly meetings; we recommend you check in by 5.30pm. To reserve your bookings, call 0718 315551 or 0722 278176 or email: email@example.com. The charges are KES 1,000 payable through Mpesa Till Number 983482 (Buy Goods and Services) on or before close of business on 31st May 2016 for logistical purposes. Any payments after that as well as gate fee is KES 1,200.
For a one-off fee of KES 1,000, you may also chose to become a member of Sense 101 Life Club, the fastest growing mentorship club in Africa for personalized mentorship program as well as to network with professionals and entrepreneurs from across East Africa. Meantime, learn with me online through my inspirational articles and videos available free of charges at: www.kinyanjuinganga.com
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga – Chief Mentor
Sense 101 Life Club.