Are you Emotionally Intelligent?

Emotional_Intelligence___the_X_Facror_For_Success   Is it the brightest kid in your primary      school who is doing the best in life? Is it  the most hard working person who  reaches the top? Or, are there industrious  people who only do so much? Did you know  that reaching at the top is hardly a factor of your IQ or your personality type? While, undeniably, the two play a role in your life, their combined contribution is no more than 43%. While this may shock you, your IQ does not change with more information, education or age. That’s why, at times, you find a mkokoteni operator who thinks faster than a university professor in respect to solving life’s basic challenges. Similarly, your personality is a constant throughout your life. Put it this way, there is little, if any, that you can do to alter your IQ and personality. But, you can raise your EQ level…

What must I then manipulate to my decided advantage to win in life? Emotional intelligence. Period. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour.  Previous research indicate that 57% of success in life is a factor of EQ – not talents, gifts, skills or level of education. To paraphrase President Calvin Cook, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talents, the world is full of educated dialects and unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. So, how do I maximize my EQ to my advantage?

  • Seek to understand, not to be understood – The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back. Everything that irritates us about others can help us understand ourselves better. Those who judge will never understand; those who understand never judge. Be the greater person by seeking to understand others rather than being understood. Seek to understand your colleagues at work, customers, family members, neighbours, matatu drivers, restaurant waiters etc rather than coercing them to understand you. If you do so, you will be surprised how much they have positively changed! In reality, you are the one who has changed.
  • Learn to Apologize – ‘Ego’ is the only requirement to destroy any relationship; to be the bigger person, skip the ‘E’ and let it ‘Go’. Businesses are lost, career paths destroyed and vital relationships are broken because of massaging our egos. Ego draws a thick veil between us and our faults. Do not allow ego inhibitions between you and the next deal. Apologizing does not mean that you are wrong and the other person is right; it only means that you value the relationship more than your ego. Remember, it is easier to resolve issues than to dissolve a relationship. The most valuable asset you will ever have is people.
  • Accept Corrections – We all make mistakes. It’s just human. Accept corrections as part of life. If someone corrects you and you take offense, you have an ego problem. If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? Remember, if you are arguing for more than ten minutes you are probably not discussing the underlying conflict. A boat can’t move forward if each one is rowing their own way. The invisible emotional threads are the strongest ties in life. Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours. Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me.

It was 6.30am on one bright morning alone with the late Hon. Njenga Karume in his Jacarada office. He felt unwell and instructed his secretary to beseech, beg and plead with 4 people who wanted to see him to reschedule the appointment. Mark you, he didn’t need to see them. They needed his assistance. Notice his language… beseech, beg, plead….Immediately I appreciated why a man who never reached class 4 was so successful. He learned something so critical in life: the way up, is the way down. In the great Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught, ‘the meek shall inherit the earth’. Everyone who reached the top learnt the art of being in control of their emotions. It is the single greatest asset you will ever acquire for your success. That’s why corporates like KCB, National bank, Standard Chartered Bank, KRA and CBK have engaged me in the past to train on Emotional Intelligence – the key ingredient to working with others and understanding the self – and that’s what I am training KCB Developers Club this quarter of the year countrywide. Blessings.


Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga, PhD – Corporate Trainer and Motivational Speaker

2 thoughts on “Are you Emotionally Intelligent?

  1. Nice Piece…Very educative….Ego got to go

  2. Thanks Wangari – keep sharing the articles. Blessings.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *