I’m a Single Girl, but I still need…
Hundreds of reasons could have made you a single lady. Perhaps, you turned down an ideal offer when you were younger, when age made you believe there is such a thing as a perfect mate and an eternity is ahead of you in this life. Possibly you are single following a relationship turned sour grapes…or divorce…or you are widowed. Probably no one has proposed to you, yet.
Or, the current prospect is simply not your type – he hasn’t seen too many books in his not-too-short a life…on a comparative scale with your academic prowess. Besides, he’s way too far below the local butcher, matters money…his IQ compares relatively comfortable with your hairdresser…his not-too-sane business ideas can only be implemented in the next life…or, from his not-so-attractive looks and not-so-cool mannerisms, you just can’t visualize yourself with this dude in bed, ooops, Sorry. I meant, you wouldn’t want to be seen walking together; worse still, holding hands…you feel like he’s still evolving…I mean, he talks mouthful…at best, his trousers appear like they were abit chewed by a grazing calf – I mean his standards are just too low for you to reach, even with outstretched arms.
Whatever the case, you’ve found yourself a single lady. And, both you and all your peers know this fact pretty well. Truth be told, you are not sixteen anymore. And you are not likely to be any time soon. The merciless hands of the clock are still ticking, forward. Seems like this is your fate. Traditionalists look at you with mischief. Unfortunately. You are now active in the gym. Not just to keep fit, but to keep yourself busy and tone up your muscles to rescue them from sagging.
Many young married women have made things no easier for you single girls. These young married women create a fairy-tale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the centre of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook up.
Goodness, now that I am a single lady, so what?
Single Lady and Marriage
Yes, you are not married, yet. But, do not fight marriage. Resist the temptation of teaming up with single girls whose talk is characterised by mocking marriage. “Who needs a husband, anyway?”, they argue. Remember, first, marriage was God’s idea. Fighting the institution is fighting with God. Secondly, you can’t get what you speak against. What you speak against fights you. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Speak what you want to become. Not, what you do not want. Thirdly, never, never, never, fall into the temptation of moving out with somebody’s husband. You are likely to get married, perhaps, very soon. You reap what you sow – good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over. What goes around, comes around. Needless to tell you, if she catches up with, you may scream the first name of your grandmother.
Single Lady and a helping hand from Men
The good Lord whom you believe in does not need the help of any man to flourish you. He knows you by your name. Yes, He pretty well knows your social status. He lives outside time. He blessed a widow, Ruth, with a wealthy, loving, God fearing man, Boaz. Personally, I have witnessed a number of ladies blessed with healthy God-fearing families after their 50th birthday. God doesn’t use the Gregorian calendar. That’s why the Lord pronounces a curse to those who seek help from man and blessings for those who patiently wait on Him (Jer 17.5 – 10; Isa 30.1-3; Isa 31.1-3). If you must be assisted, financially or otherwise, by a married man, seek assistance through his wife. Do I really need to elaborate this point? What about a single dude? At what price, ask yourself.
Single Lady and Her Girl Friends
You do not attract who you want, you attract who you are. You may want to attract people of great repute like cabinet secretaries in your circles. But, great people cannot be attracted by a petty person. A whiner. A complainant. Scan the relationships around you among your girl-friends. Are they taking you closer to or further away from your dreams in life? Some people were brought to God to you for a season. The season may be over. Let it go. Do not be in the company of girls whose coffee dates is merely “who is moving with who?”. Be in the company of girls who add real value to your destiny. Scripture admonishes, “Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15.33). Your level of association will determine your destiny. Watch out who you hang out with. Say NO to the company of those who are not progressive and/or those who fight what is noble.
Single Lady and Her Dates
Dating you must, but never lose your integrity. State your intentions early enough in the relationship and demand the same from the potential candidate. Leave no one guessing that you are looking for a life-long commitment. Never allow any man to enjoy the privileges of a husband without taking the responsibilities of a husband. Draw a clear line between pleasure and happiness. Pleasure is short lived – it must never steal your long term vision of settling down. Don’t play life too close. As a rule of the thumb, do not over-trust your mortal body and do not put your flesh into test. You do not need to test whether you heat – you are warm blooded. Or maybe, you are the hot-blooded type! Date in the open and keep off either house till there’s a solid lifetime commitment. Commitment must precede pleasure. But, do not play the role of a criminal interrogator in your dates as though you are taking the man to the hang man’s noose. Neither look for a perfect man. Such a guy exists only in Hollywood. Date with an open mind. Prayerfully.
Single Lady and Her Sex Life
“Hey, Dr., let’s be real, at least for once. I need an occasional sex to retain my sanity. What would you honestly do in my position?”. Surely, I may not feel you, but I hear you, my dear sister. It’s not easy – and I won’t suggest that either. But believe me, lack of sexual control is neither solved by marriage nor by sex toys. Sexual lust is a manifestation of an underlying bigger issue – our human struggle with SIN. We have all messed at some point. We are all sinners – single or married. Personally, through critical thought, I have concluded that our human SIN problem can only be solved by being daily unified with the Only One Who conquered SIN.
This inherent human weakness, SIN, does not respect marriage or singleness. As the scripture teaches, ‘walk in the spirit, and you shall not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.’ Be closer to the Ultimate Source of all Strength. On your own, you will slip away. No doubt. But, with His never-ending Grace, you will remain pure till He blesses you with the Love of your life. Meantime, cherish your sexuality. Treasure the gift of sex God has given you. Protect it. Rejoice in it. Thank God for it. Do not trade it for a night out or a car – it’s a precious, priceless gift. Do not resent the gift, either. Resent the gift and you’ll end up (at least subconsciously) resenting the Giver. Do not borrow tomorrow’s troubles.
But what’s your human role in this whole stuff? The main sex organ is your brain. Your body responds to what you feed your mind with. GIGO – Garbage In, Garbage Out. If you feed your mind with sexual lusts and associate intimately with people who provoke you sexually, your body will definitely obey lustful signals from your brain. The contrary is equally true. As such, feed your mind with good alternatives. Avoid idleness like plague. Go back to school, if you can. Team up with an investment group. Read good stuff that keeps you mentally alert and progresses your career. Censor what you watch on TV. Associate with people who encourage you towards timeless values. Feed your mind with what is right and you will progressively take control of your sex life.
Your worth has nothing to do with your social status. Never allow your singleness define who you are. While marriage is great, it is not necessarily true that all married people are happier than you. Live your current life to the full. You can’t turn back the hands of time and tomorrow is a mystery. You have the day called today – live as though there was no tomorrow in terms of investments and career growth. Do not stagnate as you await Mr. Right. Girl, be on the move. Keep going. Buy that piece of land. Ruth met Boaz while she was working – gathering food for her and her mother in law. Occupy till he comes your way. Occupy till He returns. For He makes all things beautiful in His time.
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga, PhD – Author, Corporate Trainer & Conference Speaker