When it comes to understanding others, we rarely tax our imaginations. We often choose to remain captives of our own egos. Trapped by egocentrism. No wonder every so often we see highly talented, gifted, skilled and qualified people hardly scaling beyond the heights of average. You see; average people want to be understood; great people seek to understand. Those who judge will never understand; those who understand never judge.
I put it to you today that your next level is inherently hidden in your people management skills. Simple as it sounds, it is the mysterious secret of the ages. In The Art of Living Forever, Wilfred Peterson argues that no man stands alone. Through all the centuries of recorded time, men have set into motion influences that affect your life today. You are the heir of the ages. Men reaching for the stars have created for you a world of wonder and challenge.
You continually complicate your world whenever you burn relational bridges, whether in the market place or with loved ones.
Yesterday, I received a phone call from a senior government official who wants me to join a certain board of a public entity as a director. I interacted with this person four years ago while I was (just) attending to my due duties. I had no clue that the assistance I gave him would someday in the future open a certain door of opportunity. My own experiences in life validate that which was originally spoken and written by Napoleon Hill – you can have everything that you want in life if you just help enough people get what they want.
Strange that this simple truth is still a phenomenon to many people! Consider the wisdom from Dale Carnegie, one of the greatest sages of all times and the wealthiest man in the world in the 1920s, in the following words which I extracted from his book: How to Win Friends and Influence People:
“Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?” Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?”
It is the secret long held by the social elite. It is the secret that built ancient dynasties and toppled indomitable kingdoms. It’s the only logical explanation for how even the humblest of beginnings can lead to the strongest successes. Yes, even the simplest amongst us without innate gifts can easily master this art – friendships aren’t won; they’re made, organically and honestly.
It must never be lost on you that people are interested in their own affairs. People have their own fears and insecurities in life that need to be protected. Human beings are creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity. When dealing with people, you must never betray your interests. But of course it’s all about your interests. But while you might have a certain interest close to your chest forever, no one else is interested. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want – not what you want.
Your mark of maturity is when you come to that simple realization that the world does not revolve around you. The entire world is composed of others with only one minor exception – you. That’s why you must be ready to cope with others. Everything that irritates us about others can help us understand ourselves. It’s Abraham Lincoln who said, ‘I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.’
It’s inflexibility NOT incompatibility that makes relationships collapse. If you must remember only one advice from this article that has the potential to transform you, master this truth: each one of us is totally different from everyone else from our DNA composition, background, experiences and temperaments. No two people are compatible! You can be ‘compatible’ with whomever you chose to get along with. It is a choice. Not a custom design.
Indeed the greater the differences between individuals, the greater their potential for growth. ‘Ego’ is the only requirement to destroy any relationship; to be the bigger person, skip the ‘E’ and let it ‘Go’. Ego draws a thick veil between us and our own faults. Do not allow ego inhibitions between you and the next deal. Take care you do not get carried away by your ego as a team player. Too much ego will kill your talent and business.
Apologizing does not mean that you are wrong and the other person is right; it only means that you value the relationship more than your ego. We all make mistakes. If someone corrects you and you take offense, you have an ego problem. “If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?” marvels Mevlana Rum.
If there is only one skill you need to master to move to your next level, it is the art of connecting with people. The power of influencing others. The ability to find common ground in relationships to expand your networks. Look for the 1% that you agree with someone else and give it 100% commitment. Unfortunately, we often capitalize on our points of departure.
Points of departure are numerous. It has been said of old, ‘if two people agree all the time, one is a fool. If two people disagree all the time, both are fools’. At times reaching out doesn’t work even after you have invested your all. But, you will have peace of mind. Often giving someone a piece of your mind leaves you without your own peace of mind.
While walking with others often makes the journey slower, it must never be lost on you that no man becomes rich unless he enriches others. So, never put others in your place – put yourself in their place. In so doing, you will become a fisher of men. Winning favour with people. Leaning on the shoulders of giants. You will hardly progress alone. Every victory is build upon the help and counsel of fellow humans. No man stands alone.
Join me on Friday the 5th February 2016 as we examine this all important topic, “No Man Stands Alone” at Laico Regency Hotel from 6pm to 8pm at a fee of KES 1,000. Since we start our meetings promptly, plan accordingly factoring in all variables like traffic so that you do not miss critical lessons. Six participants from Tanzania, 1 from Kigali and 1 from Uganda defied distance and costs and joined us in our January forum where we examined, “Secure Your Life in 90 Days.”
For logistical purposes due to the exponential growth of our meetings, we will close bookings on Friday the 29th January 2016. Call 0718315551; 0721419430 or 0722278176 or/and email: email@example.com for your reservations as soon as possible. Believe me; you need to come along with those who matter in your life for this seminar!
As a mentorship club, SENSE 101 LIFE CLUB, we meet the first Friday of every month to inspire and equip our members to attain their God-given destinies. You may also chose to become a member of our mentorship club by paying a one-off subscription fee of KES 1,000 to enjoy the benefits of full membership. For instance, all club members attended the January 8th meeting on a 100% complementary. In our December forum, club members attended the seminar at a discounted cocktail fee of KES 1,500 while the rest paid KES 2,000. In addition, members are given DVDs and learning materials for previous meetings free of charge.
Finally, we encourage you to Search for Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga on YouTube to listen and share (free of charge) our previous messages and browse previous free inspirational articles at: www.kinyanjuinganga.com.
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga, PhD – Life Coach, Mentor, Corporate Trainer & Motivational Speaker
Twitter: https://twitter.com/kinyanjuin3 #Sense101LifeClub