Are you living with a man cowed into silence by consistent failures in the market place? Blaming you for all his woes. Easily picks a quarrel out of the blues? Too insecure to let you manifest your gifts? Going out for a business coffee date with a man he deems successful can get him on his nerves? He no longer respects his own time and fits in the affairs of others? Has completely lost his assertiveness and is loosely permissive to the extent he hardly corrects children when they err…seeking popularity from all corners?
Unchecked, these withdrawal and permissiveness symptoms degenerate to chaotic relationships and quitting in life. A once outgoing and energetic man ends up spending his entire day watching TV or reading newspapers. Self doubt has reached an all time high that he cannot take any initiate unless he is 100% sure of a predetermined outcome.
Consequently, since he is busy observing others perform; his fodder day and night is criticizing those on the move. Like many football fans, he offers unsolicited advice to whoever cares to listen on how to play the ball though he (himself) will never get down into the field. Anxiety rules supreme within him. His mind is closed. In fear of being exposed, he blocks from learning.
He feels inferior to accept knowledge from others. He thinks that whatever he knows is sufficient and that there is no need of knowing anything more. He is self centred. Pampering himself with little regard for others. He wallops in jealousy and probably feels he cannot achieve like someone else. He is always on the defensive side and rationalizes his actions emotionally. He hardly discusses ideas. He is ever busy analyzing other people’s affairs. Traditionally referred to as gossip.
On the contrary, people with high self-esteem take criticism as feedback. They take the brickbats thrown at them and build a house with them. They have no time to discuss or even spend time with other people’s affairs. They are preoccupied with their own business. Indeed, the scriptures do teach that each one of us should be busy with his own affairs.
Are you the woman who is overly cautious in grooming so much than not even a single hair can be left out of place? Is it possible you have been looking for the much denied approval albeit unawares? Are you the woman who is excessively permissiveness into your space? You are very touchy and encourage men around you to easily cross the boundaries of decency? You could be unconsciously seeking for approval, attention and affirmation that were deprived in your past. You have a dark past you are yet to deal with. You need to learn to say ‘NO’ again.
You can never rise above your self-image. The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. It will always be your life ceiling. Never be bullied into silence by a browbeaten man lest your life turns vegetative. Living with someone who has not learnt to get along with himself. Suffering from an ego crisis. No one should ever live with others till he has learned to get along with himself. You have a responsibility to ensure that no one robs you off your personal dignity. You see, dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.
You are always with yourself. You might as well enjoy this permanent company. Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. There are many people who suffer in the hands of people suffering with low self esteem. Never suffer under the whims of one’s identity crisis. You have a right to be human and to be treated as much. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. Refuse to believe that there is no alternative to the person putting food on your table. Never exchange your life for a bowl of soup like Esau. Never beg for what you have the capacity to earn.
While women derive their self esteem mainly from their relationships, men derive their self esteem from what they do. When a man continually fails in what he does, if he has never been prepared on how to handle failure, it can degenerate to a poor self image which can escalate to inferiority complex. When a woman lives in an abusive relationship long enough, it can injure her self esteem to irreparable levels.
Do you remember the first person who broke your heart? When you were told that you are good for nothing? When your appearance was brutally attacked? And you’ve never been able to open up. Suffering silently. Something is fundamentally wrong with you if you believed him. What if he was wrong? What if he was pouring out of his own bitterness and frustrations?
Your own self rejection turns people away from you. Positive people cannot keep up with negative energy. Far too many people suffer from inferiority complex than they would care to admit. Factually speaking, this article could have scratched too painful wounds that need to be mended. While perhaps you didn’t recognize what has been eating you up, these writings could be an eye opener to an underlying issue that you need to fix: low self confidence. To regain your lost momentum in life, you need to boost your confidence levels.
It’s never too late to be what you were meant to be. To deal with your self-doubt, we need to deal with the root cause – poor self image which in turn augments your self-confidence and boosts your self esteem. If what I have written today describes you, the odds are high that you have esteem issues. The time has come you stop hiding your head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich. For your own good and for the good of those around you, join me at KICC – Amphitheatre next week Friday the 3rd June 2016 from 6pm to 8pm as we examine, “Breaking Inferiority Complex.”
We meet the first Friday of every month from 6pm to 8pm at KICC to examine critical life skills. As a mentorship club, Sense 101 Life Club is the place you need to be. Call 0718 315551 or 0722 278176 or/and email email@example.com to reserve your booking for Friday next week or to sign up as a member of the club for a one-off cost of KES 1,000. Meantime, I invite you to learn with me online at: www.kinyanjuinganga.com and subscribe for inspirational articles.
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga
Conference Speaker, Corporate Trainer & Chief Mentor, Sense 101 Life Club