The Trap of Mpango wa Kando
She wasn’t ready last night. He felt neglected. Unfortunately it’s anti-African for a man to discuss sexual frustrations. Suddenly, he notices this young beautiful chick in the front office who has just dropped from heaven, fresh – as though he has just seen her for the first time. All fundamentals are sharp. Unusually this morning the handshake lingers, the eyes wink with telling narrations. In less than a week the touches and brushes feel like lighting a flame. After all, she hasn’t given birth…seems like her breasts are firmly positioned and she has no indication of any excess fat in unwanted zones.
The married dude and his mpango wa kando
Not only is she lonely but she wants to prove to him that she is better in the game than his tired wife. And before long, the deal seems sealed to a full blown extra marital affair, mpango wa kando. Whereas it is estimated that 50% of all marriages in the so called free world end up in divorce, it was observed that 70% of all divorce cases were the courtesy of mpango wa kando.
For the married man who has fallen into this trap, you are kindly reminded that only the fire of God can burn without destroying you as was the burning bush experience with Moses. After handling 700 wives and 300 mpango wa kandos, King Solomon of ancient Israel concluded that her way ultimately leads to death – it is the highway of hell.
The average married man loves his wife and family and never intentionally gets involved in an affair. However, you can still burn with good intentions. We must logically think and wisely act beyond good intentions. Unlike other extra marital affairs that may be one-off, mpango wa kando, usually, involves a close friend, and hence deep emotional attachment too hard to break. One who, in some instances, genuinely offered emotional support.
You must realize that no matter how close a friend she is – she is still not your spouse. Your judgment on this girl is idealistic and fabulous in the sense that you have not lived together – she puts her best foot forward whenever you are together – not her true self. She conceals her weaknesses while your true wife lives in the real world.
The married woman and her mpango wa kando
While in Africa men have been more prone to mpango wa kando arrangements, cases of extra marital affairs are on the increase among married women especially in the urban set ups. Unlike men who are more vulnerable to one-off affairs even without any relationship with the girl, women succumb to sexual pleasures to men that they have emotional attachments. Since the majority of married women find it difficult to spend at their mpango wa kando, those involved either will take advantage of working hours or cheat that they are on official duties away from the office.
Whereas it is argued that women are better off than men in this mpango game, we remind every woman reading this article that any extra marital affair pulls down her self-worth. Leave alone getting involved in a sexual act, any indecent sexual behaviour, even as harmless as an emotional touch or kiss, lowers your dignity as a woman. While most women involved in affairs imagine they are pleasing the mpango man, in reality however, he disrespects you over and above the fact that he dishonours both your husband and your marriage. You scorn and ridicule your marriage in the highest possible manner. While we strongly condemn all manner of affairs, the married woman needs to be reminded that marriages hardly survive when a woman cheats. Why? She is the glory of her marriage. The pillar of her family. Any extra marital affair literally kills her husband’s self-esteem.
The spice girl and her married boyfriend
You feel you are using him. He thinks he is using you. And you are both half right. What do you stand to lose? First, he will never marry you. Second, you will be very lucky to have your dental formula intact if the wife catches up with you. Thirdly, the descent bachelor keeps off your life. You cannot turn back the hands of time. The clock is still ticking and your chances for a healthy long lasting marital relationship dwindles. Remember he closely keeps his eyes on you to ensure that no one reaps from his investment while baba is away.
Fourthly, he won’t give you quality time – he will still spend his evenings with his family. Fifthly, in the event you still get married, which is the ultimate desire of every sensible woman, you will compare your newly wedded husband, in almost all aspects of life, with the more experienced mpango wa kando. Chances are, your husband may be starting at ground zero, even where it matters quite significantly. Yes, you may repent your old ways but guilt and un-fulfilment in marriage may end up being your lot.
The bachelor who dates a married woman
If you are still alive, quit this relationship….yesterday! What’s your problem? Many girls out there are looking up to you. Some are even fasting for your eyes to open. Is your interest her money or just fantasy? Whichever the case, she has money either because she has worked longer and harder by virtue of her age; or her husband or father has the bucks. Grow up and stop enjoying the labour of another man.
If he catches up with you, be certain he would rather chose kamiti maximum as his bedroom rather that you and him being on this side of heaven. The married man feels all that he is trashed and he just can’t stand it. Young man, get up and work your way to success. Work has no substitute. Work is the price we pay to travel the highway of success. You too can have the bucks! And have your own girl.
Wait a minute…. is there anything really wrong with mpango wa kando?
Strangely, these days, we have to remind bachelors that the first step in search of a life partner is to ensure she is female. On the same line of thought, weirdly, we are living in times whereby we need to remind full grown adults on the dangers of mpango wa kando. While not in the order of occurrence, the most obvious dangers of mpango wa kando include: divorce, emotional trauma, lifetime bad memories, lost trust, scattered family resources, embarrassment, parental difficulties, loss of friends and dishonouring God who instituted marriage.
How can I know if my spouse is in mpango wa kando?
Although behaviour among spouses involved in mpango wa kando may considerably vary, most of them will be overly sensitive with their phones, avoid eye contact, hardly use romantic language, get disinterested in sex, become serial liars, spend little or no time with spouse, become unaccountable financially, cast unusual doubt on the unknowns of the future, are easily irritable and they cease complimenting partner on physical attractiveness.
How can we protect our families from mpango wa kando?
We cannot treat a disease that we do not know the cause. So, what’s the root cause of this disease, mpango wa kando? Late last year while conducting training for a leading corporate in the region, I asked participants why married couples get involved in mpango wa kando. Not in the order of importance, the responses were as follows:
- Better service delivery
- Better product packaging (the grass looks greener over yonder)
- Adventure, curiosity and the thrill of the chase
- Loneliness due to distance between spouses due to work related assignments
- Accepted norms that there is no jogoo (man) for only one chick (lady) – though the trend is changing to a two-traffic flow or is it reverse flow?
- Opportunity (they say, you can’t know a thief unless he’s given a chance)
- Fear of growing older and insecurity
- Feeling of being neglected by partner
- Lack of attention especially competition with children
- Financial pressures and escapism from daily life challenges
- Sex addiction, low self-esteem and entitlement in search for appreciation, adoration and admiration
Carefully examine the list above and check what is your role in all this mpango was kando business? You don’t change people by changing them. You change people by changing yourself. What must you do to seal your marriage from mpango wa kando? Dressing hot? Make ups? Taking her out more often? Avoiding office flattery?
Marriage never fails. People fail. Failure in marriage is not a measure of the soundness of the institution. Rather, it is a reflection of the two partners in marriage. Put it otherwise; a miserable marriage reflects two miserable individuals. A successful marriage is a reflection of two people who have learned the peaceful art of coexistence. Wacha mpango wa kando!!
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga, PhD
Corporate Trainer, Author and Motivational Speaker