Where Are Our Fathers?
A father’s influence goes to the fourth generation after him. Whitney Houston’s parents Emily (Cissy) and John Houston divorced when she was at kindergarten. Together with lover, Bobby Brown, Whitney smoked crack in the presence of their 5 year old daughter, Bobbi Kristina. At 22, Bobbi died of drug abuse…her mother Whitney died at 48 on similar grounds. Great careers and more importantly, great lives lost due to weak fatherhood.
While there is little you can do about your ancestors, there is something that you can do about your descendants. One thing that prevents a man from being a good father is that he hasn’t completed being a boy. To be in your children’s’ memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives’ today. Having kids doesn’t make you a father. Raising them does.
There are many of us who were raised up in unstable families but we don’t have to pass it on to our children. We don’t have to fight in the presence of our children. We can choose to shield their emotions from our disputes as adults. To a large extent, you are a product of your early relationships. What you think your significant others think of you.
Things that happen to you and around you shape your destiny. You are a product of your stress, shock, crisis, pressures, pains, traumas, problems and experiences. Abusive relationships destroy children’s self esteem. A life perpetually exposed to physical and verbal abuse long enough, can potentially become vegetative.
Unstable parents create insecure children. Stable parents raise stable children. Children need affection (hugs, kisses), attention (listening) and affirmation (positive words), every day. When a man loves his wife, it creates security and stability. The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother. Children learn how to handle feelings, loses, failure and conflicts at home.
Girls with low self esteem are more vulnerable to sexual promiscuity in search for approval. Boys with low self esteem are more vulnerable to violence trying to prove their presence among their peers. It is the prerogative of a father to shield his children from emotional imbalances.
Boys who grow up with an absent father are more susceptible to bullying colleague students and leading in school unrests as they seek out for attention. They are more prone to disciplinary measures by authorities including suspensions from schools. Simply because they never learned how to submit to authority. They had a father who never was. They live searching for a male model and are ever in a crisis trying to figure out what being a male means.
Regrettably, parenting can neither be delegated nor suspended for a while as we work for the ring of fame and fortune. The growth of children is irreversible. Like a young tree, it takes the bends directed by the gardener, so is the life of a child. You can’t shape it in adulthood; you can’t pick it from where you left after you reach at the top in your career pursuits. It’s always easier to model young boys that to rehabilitate grown up men.
If you invest in your child, you don’t have to invest for your child. Children require presence not presents. No amount of gifts and meeting financial obligations can replace your personal presence. Any written will can be torn in a few years after the demise of the writer of the will. The only sure inheritance that you can leave behind is the investment you make in your child not for your child.
We have time for what we value. We have time for who we value. For children, love = time. Fatherhood is not a question of time. Rather, a question of values. You should only give the gift of absence to those who do not appreciate your presence. Not your children. Could it be that primeval maxim, ‘out of sight, out of mind’ could mean that one is literally out of (his) mind (senses) when he is absent from his own children?
As a father, you should establish a model for your children to pattern. So strong a model that it will tether them from straying in their latter years. Girls in particular look at their fathers as the standard against which they measure all men. Ideally speaking, boys on the other hand look up-to their fathers as their heroes.
In mentoring children, you shouldn’t (just) tell them what to do; you show them what to do. Matters parenting, do not be a travel agent directing kids to ‘moral’ places you’ve never been. Duplicate your life in them in respect to values.
As the old adage goes, ‘like father like son’, in many instances, a child’s lifestyle is a reflection of the father’s. It’s Gen. Douglas MacArthur who said, ‘A good general does not push his soldiers from behind, he leads them from in-front.’ Are you a good general to your soldiers (children)?
May I also add that any grown man should be conscious of his fatherhood role to any child in his neighbourhood. Is your conduct consistent with what you would want to see the little ones around you become?
On the flip side of the coin, allow me to humbly admit that in some rare cases children can deviate from a father’s teachings. Nonetheless, in such instances, you can take sober satisfaction in the fact that you did your very best. In your heart, as you commit them to God in prayer, you will be gratified that you were a faithful steward of those precious jewels that the Lord entrusted in your hands.
Having said that, I have revealing statistics that illustrate that in most cases, responsible, caring and present fathers who love the mother of their children raise responsible children. To tap into this all important life lesson on fatherhood, join me on Friday the 5th August 2016 from 6pm to 8pm at KICC – Amphitheatre as we examine, “Where are Our Fathers?”
Amidst all competing but important roles that we should play as fathers, I will illustrate to you in the most convincing manner how to balance between a successful career and effective parenting in full cognizant of dynamic life challenges and an ever demanding work environment.
If you have a father around you…do everything legal and humane within your means to tag them along this life equipping conference. Only when fathers rise to their rightful leadership position shall both the family and the nation experience absolute healing.
Terrorism, burglary, rape, murder, substance addiction and arson among countless vices can all be traced to an absent, passive, irresponsible or violent father. To reverse the ills in the land, we’ve got to deal with the root cause: fatherhood.
As I sensationally examine fatherhood in our August conference, I will explain the role of the mother in supporting fatherhood and effective approaches that single mothers should adopt in raising positive children in a negative world.
To reserve your booking for this conference, contact 0718 315551 or 0722 278176 or/and email email@example.com. You will be required to pay KES 1,000 though Mpesa Till Number 983482 (Buy Goods & Services) or swipe your card (debit or credit) for a gate fee of KES 1,200. We do not accept cash transactions at all.
Meantime, I strongly recommend you consider becoming a life member of Sense 101 Life Club for your personal growth and development. Membership fee is KES 1,000 one-off. Meantime, I recommend you listen to my video on “Calling the Man &the Woman in Your Child Early” available at www.kinyanjuinganga.com as a preparation for our August 5th Forum which also doubles as the Sense 101 Life Club Annual Anniversary.
This Friday the 15th July, we will be launching Sense 101 Life Club in Nanyuki as we examine “Prison Break.” If you missed the Nairobi Edition, you can join me in Nanyuki at Falcon Heights Hotel from 6pm to 8pm. Contact Kuria 0722 409 295 to participate.
If you live in Uganda, we will do “Prison Break” in Kampala on 9th September as we launch Sense 101 Life Club at the Pearl of Africa and Dennis +256 793 600 704 and Ken +256 779 848 522 are our contacts over there.
For our followers in the U.S., we will examine “Parenting” on 23rd Sept at Arizona hosted by Joel +1 480-234-3050; “Prison Break” on 24th Sept 2016 at Dallas, Texas hosted by Jack +1 469-682-8879 OR +1 972 801 7519; and “Personal Leadership” on 30th Sept 2016 at Chesapeake, Virginia at The Next Level Leadership Conference hosted by Tim Harrell +1 757 362 5195.
Dr. Kinyanjui Nganga
Chief Mentor – Sense 101 Life Club.